here we go again...

Uncle Kracker Livin' the Dream

Once again I am single.  In this case, its not so bad.  No broken heart, no hopes and dreams dashed, nada.  As sweet a person as Justin was, we just viewed what was important differently.  I figured hanging out, spending time together was important.  Him, sex.  Sure I enjoy it, but really? Thats all that seemed to be on his mind.  I know I know, cliche right?  But I want more out of a relationship than just physicality.  I want that warm fuzzy feeling, that feeling that you know its just right.  Truthfully, I never had that with him.  He was a stepping stone back out into the dating pool.  He showed me that I am not fully ready for a serious relationship right now.  My wounds were still healing.  And to some extent, they still are.  I will treasure the fun I had with him.  I also know more about myself.  Like, tho I enjoy sex, I am not addicted to it.  When the feelings are right, I will know.  I have also come to know that I need a bit more God in my life.  I know this now.  Yes I have my family and my friends but they can't always be there for me when I need them.  With God, He is always there.  So I've started reading my Bible more.  Whether it be my actual book or my kindle version.  I know I need to find someone who understands my wants, needs.  Who understands that I choose to be here in this little town I grew up in, be around people that I know and love, and I will leave when I am fully ready, not before. 

Anyhow, this is the lastest with me.  Not much else.  Just work.  I have good faith that when I am truely ready,the right man will come along and out of the blue and it will be just what was meant for me. :)

Holiday Season...

As I read my sister's blog, I am saddened with the uncertainty of her working future.  She is one of the strongest women I know.  She's a hero to me, the type of person I wouldn't mind being like.  I wish that there was something I could do to help her out but her being in Portland and myself being here, well, makes that rather difficult...and my finances are a little strapped currently.  My heart and prayers go out to her and her little family that she receives a holiday miracle.  Love you sis..

She shared some memories of our childhood, fond memories that I had completely forgotten about.  The winter nights we spent up at Topaz with our grandparents.  I loved those times.  I learned so much from the years we spent there growing up.  One being the importance of sunscreen..I received the worst sunburn of my life there.  Also the major importance of wearing helmets.  Cheryl and I were cruising around the countryside, and we ended up on a rode a little too narrow for our Yamaha Moto4, and down this hill we went.  As usual I end up with just scrapes and Cher is the one bleeding.  How I managed with no bleeding wounds is still beyond me.  Well we manage to walk back to the house and get grandpa and grandma and we get the 4 wheeler back to the property, no worse for wear.  I think it fared better than we did.  Remember sis?

There was the one Christmas that was the last time my Gramma Jeanne came down.  It was wonderful to have her visit.  At 7, she was the coolest gramma in the world.   Learning more about her over the years as I became an adult myself, she still is an amazing woman.  But that's another blog.  I want to tell this story but as per usual, I'm not sure how to start it.  So I'll just start with that day.  It was December 26th.  Mom, Cheryl, and I were taking my grandma to the airport so she could fly back to Seattle.  Unfortunately the 3 of us didn't make it.  (Gramma did, my uncle and aunt got her to the airport.)  Right outside of town on McLeod Hill, mom rolled the van we were in.  Mom was reaching for something on the dash (yes, she was driving) and drifted onto to shoulder, she over corrected, once, twice hitting that soft gravel yet again but this time it sent the van rolling.  We landed tire-side down.  It was a miracle that the swerving didn't happen seconds later, because coming up the other side was a hay truck.  We would've been mere memories in the lives of the people who knew and loved us.  And I was really lucky to walk away with nothing more than seat belt burns.  If the rolling had taken place any sooner, I wouldn't be who I am, because I had just sat back down literally seconds before the van ended up upside down.  That was almost 22 years ago now.

Good memories of the holidays always included being around family, my grampa in particular, just because I loved (and still do) him so.  The first Christmas without him was tough on all of us.  He was such a integral part of the festivities, that we were almost lost with out him.  He had passed the carving of the ham or turkey on to dad long before but it was his job, as patriarch of the family, to slice the holiday pies.  I still think it should be his job, but he is no longer here so that had to be passed to someone.  We all take turns.

It brings to mind the Christmas Cheryl fed our old lab Sparkie pecan pie off our dad's china and our grandmother's silver.  I did get a picture, tho when I took it I was afraid that it wasn't going to come out since I was laughing so hard.  Man, gramma and mom were very very angry!  The rest of our family laughed with us, but not those two!  Mom laughs about it now, for it is a fond Christmas memory since the dog is no longer with us either..

This holiday is the start of something new too.  Since the breakup, I have found someone new.  Justin.  He's absolutely amazing. Not that Tim wasn't, he was just different.  He treats me like I'm something utterly special.  I know, I know, cheesy to say, and I am special.  Its just nice to be shown so, you know?  I know a person can't complete me but I feel great when we are together.  He makes me smile just thinking about him.. Like now. (:

If I don't write before the 25th, Merry Christmas to you all.  I treasure you in ways that I cannot explain.  Thank you for being my friends, my family, my life!

Holiday Season yet again...

Ahh tis the Christmas season once again.  You can feel it in the are and see it in the streets no matter where you are.  The only thing I feel is missing is some snow.  Truely it doesn't feel like Christmas without a little snow on the ground.  Not asking for a lot, just a few inches so Bailey and I can play in it. :)

This is also a tough time of year for many people, myself included.  People losing homes, losing jobs, losing family...sad anytime of year, but doubly so during this time of year... This time of year is supposed to be joyous, not sad. 

Today I found out from my dear friend and adopted sister April, that a dear friend of the family's had passed away over the night.  Bob was a dear and funny man..lived a good life, but sadly was doing rather poorly the last few months.  Sad to see him go but I know he is in a better place and no longer in any pain. Rest in Peace Mr. Matheus, you will be sorely missed...

In other news around the way, my personal life seems to be going fairly well.  I was sick a couple weeks ago with a nasty 24 hour flu bug that was going around.  I literally wanted to die.  I hadn't had the flu since probly around 10 or more years ago.  Well, Justin came out after he got off work Saturday and brought me gatorade and kept me company for a couple hours.  He didn't have to do any of that but I really appreciated it.  Unfortunatly he got sick too...on sunday..  It hit him about as long after as it did me.  Several people got sick that weekend, including my dad.  Was not a good weekend to know this girl's family and friends...Everyone is now better and no longer sick. :)

I am all but done with my Christmas shopping, now comes the fun part of the whole holiday season...wrapping! hahahahahahaha!!!

Stepping out back into the world!

Well, it has been an interesting week!!

First off, I rejoined the dating world with my first date in 4 years on Sunday. Date turned out wonderfully! I was so incredibly nervous, but as it turned out, there really was no need! Justin is a one of a kind guy. Treated me like a princess. He picked me up, opened doors, made me laugh, and listened to me as I babbled! Lol! We spent just hours talking and laughing. We had made plans to go out again when we both weren’t busy. 

Now onto Thursday.  Justin caught me off guard a bit by asking me what I was doing that night.  Was kinda weird since I figured that since we were both busy for about a week that we wouldn't see each other till after Thanksgiving.  Well he told me he had traded his Sunday/Monday days off so he could have Thursday.  We had our second date.

And it too was wonderful.  He met my mom and the three of us had dinner then we came back to my place.  We spent the next few hours just hanging out, cuddling and talking. It was a wonderful time.

He is an amazing person who treats me so incredibly well!  I had almost forgotten what it was like to be truly wanted by another person! 

Now something funny..we had been talking of our exes, yeah I know, not an extremely great choice of topics but it did come up.  Then the most random of things happened today.  Tim texted me.  First communication we'd had in almost 2 months.  It was all innocent and what not, asking me about stove pipe. (he's installing a stove in his shop.)  Then he came in and for me, it was kinda awkward...we hadn't seen each other in 2 months, then he followed me down an aisle to where I was showing a customer that we both know well if we had something that was supposed to have been ordered for him.  He then came back later in the day, with Megan.  It was nice to see her, and him too to a degree.  I was wondering how things would be since we'd split.  Glad it went off well enough. 

Ahh, but still the best part of my day was getting to talk to Justin... he just makes me feel completely, utterly happy!! :)