Fear and Faith

Never had I been so scared of my feelings as I had been the last 24 hours.  Last night I had gone with my boyfriend Ryan, his son Austin, his girlfriend Paige, and their friend Brendan to a Pop-Warner football game.    Well, we were all having a good time, third period comes along.  Austin goes down and isn't getting back up, can't breath.  Ambulance is called and Ryan (understandably) is scared.  Who wouldn't be?  Your kid can't breath and is in immense pain and there is nothing you can do.  Possible broken rib.  Come to find out the opposing team was singling him out.  How terrible that adults are doing that to kids.  First teaching them that winning is everything, then telling them to do that at all costs.  I still am upset at those coaches.  Anyhow, at the hospital come to find out that he fractured the tip of one of the ribs.  Coach tells us he's done for the season.  Talking to football moms that came to check on the 3 of the 4 kids that are at the hospital, she was telling us that she overheard the opposing team talking to their coach about their KEVLAR pads!!!! Really? Your 13-14 years old and playing with pro quality gear.  Our kids didn't stand a chance!  Grrr!  Again, back to our story.  This morning I was scared.  I mean I didn't know how to feel or react to anything that has just happened to me.  Yes, granted it isn't the first visit to the hospital I've made with a boyfriend and his child, but this felt different.  Still not really sure how.  Ryan and I talked for a while this morning about everything that happened 12 hours prior.   He was very understanding about how scared I was feeling.  Now I head off to work.  I talk to Josh about what happened with Austin.  He told me that he had experienced something similar while playing Pop-Warner himself.  Mentally this made me feel a bit better.  Then I received a text from Ryan that made me smile.  That clinched it.  I knew I was going to be ok.  My faith was stronger than my fear.  I came home at lunch and talked to him some more about events.  He told me something that made me very happy.  He told me that when he was on the field with Austin, the coaches, and medical staff, Ryan told me that while he was checking on Austin, he had also been looking around to see where I was at.  Me. Girlfriend of less than 3 months.  Honestly, like he told me, I didn't know I would fall so hard and so quick for him.  I am glad he and I are together.

Wonderful feelings abound

To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides

David Viscott, 1974

Since the last entry almost 3 months ago, I have met someone who I'm completely head over heels for.  He makes me feel completely wanted and happy.  His name is Ryan.  Retired Navy, he's been around the world and I love to hear him talk about it.  We've even talked of places that we'd like to visit together.  So much to tell but not sure where to even start!  He's a wonderful man.  Probably one of the most wonderful people I've met in a long time.  To begin with we have similar personalities.  Goofy, off the wall, twisted.  We enjoy being home-bodies, dancing, laughing, telling bad jokes, and sharing music.  We talk daily, sometimes for hours.  Send each other little messages through out the day.  Much wonderous feelings abound!!!   He treats me very well.  Cheers me up when feeling down, compliments me almost daily, makes me laugh constantly.  With him I feel very content.  We don't see each other as often as we like (he lives an hour away), we do make the best of our time together.  We talk, snuggle, watch tv, do all those couply things that couples do.  So nice.  I love being with him