I thought it was just going home, check up on him, spend a little time with him, and fly back home to Bismarck. Sadly that was not the case. We found out the Monday before I flew out that he had stage 4 cancer. No one is sure where the cancer started but they did find a lump on his lung. His original stay was due to the extreme pain he was in because of his hip..
Guess I'm still a little blown away by this all. Its weird that he's gone, he was still fairly young... only 68 years old.
I just read my sister's blog and now all I can do is cry. Because I feel similarly to her. Am I making him proud? Does he know how much he's loved and missed? She has it much harder than me, she's surrounded by everything that reminds her of him, everything that is him. He and I were never very close, not like sis and him. Our relationship was much different. We did things, hung out occasionally, had dinner, played golf, we just did things. I never really talked a whole lot with him. It was just our relationship. Its weird knowing I'm never going to get to have our stilted conversations, the "hi, how are you, how are things, how's the weather" conversations.
I had a dream with him in it last night. It was the kind where it was like real life and he and I were arguing because heaven forbid that he was wrong about anything. Made me smile and sad at the same time, because I know I will never hear his voice again, except in my dreams, and even there, there is no guarantee that I will truly remember the timber... tho we argued and disagreed (a lot), I will miss him, he is my dad, my first real hero..
