So it is officially 2017. Dad has been gone almost 1 year. I can hardly believe it. There are days I want to call and talk to him, hear his voice, tell him how things are. But I can't.. Still haven't deleted his number from my phone, tho I know its no longer his.. He and I weren't close but I miss him desperately, wish I knew if he was proud of me...
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Sunday, January 8, 2017
Tuesday, March 1, 2016
Sad Days...
Almost two weeks ago my dad passed away.. it was a quick trip home.
I thought it was just going home, check up on him, spend a little time with him, and fly back home to Bismarck. Sadly that was not the case. We found out the Monday before I flew out that he had stage 4 cancer. No one is sure where the cancer started but they did find a lump on his lung. His original stay was due to the extreme pain he was in because of his hip..
Guess I'm still a little blown away by this all. Its weird that he's gone, he was still fairly young... only 68 years old.
I just read my sister's blog and now all I can do is cry. Because I feel similarly to her. Am I making him proud? Does he know how much he's loved and missed? She has it much harder than me, she's surrounded by everything that reminds her of him, everything that is him. He and I were never very close, not like sis and him. Our relationship was much different. We did things, hung out occasionally, had dinner, played golf, we just did things. I never really talked a whole lot with him. It was just our relationship. Its weird knowing I'm never going to get to have our stilted conversations, the "hi, how are you, how are things, how's the weather" conversations.
I had a dream with him in it last night. It was the kind where it was like real life and he and I were arguing because heaven forbid that he was wrong about anything. Made me smile and sad at the same time, because I know I will never hear his voice again, except in my dreams, and even there, there is no guarantee that I will truly remember the timber... tho we argued and disagreed (a lot), I will miss him, he is my dad, my first real hero..
I thought it was just going home, check up on him, spend a little time with him, and fly back home to Bismarck. Sadly that was not the case. We found out the Monday before I flew out that he had stage 4 cancer. No one is sure where the cancer started but they did find a lump on his lung. His original stay was due to the extreme pain he was in because of his hip..
Guess I'm still a little blown away by this all. Its weird that he's gone, he was still fairly young... only 68 years old.
I just read my sister's blog and now all I can do is cry. Because I feel similarly to her. Am I making him proud? Does he know how much he's loved and missed? She has it much harder than me, she's surrounded by everything that reminds her of him, everything that is him. He and I were never very close, not like sis and him. Our relationship was much different. We did things, hung out occasionally, had dinner, played golf, we just did things. I never really talked a whole lot with him. It was just our relationship. Its weird knowing I'm never going to get to have our stilted conversations, the "hi, how are you, how are things, how's the weather" conversations.
I had a dream with him in it last night. It was the kind where it was like real life and he and I were arguing because heaven forbid that he was wrong about anything. Made me smile and sad at the same time, because I know I will never hear his voice again, except in my dreams, and even there, there is no guarantee that I will truly remember the timber... tho we argued and disagreed (a lot), I will miss him, he is my dad, my first real hero..
Monday, January 11, 2016
New Beginnings
As a few of you may know, it has been almost a month since moving to North Dakota. It has been a trip so far. Knowing that my family is about 2000 miles away, and his is just right up the road. For the first part of our relationship, my family had been there just about every step of the way. Now, its his family's turn I guess you could say.
The first Friday we were here, we met for dinner and drinks with family and a couple that his folks know. I met and talked with his cousin Kim. She's a neat lady and very into Relay for Life. I can understand. Both of her parents are gone, her mom passed from breast cancer a few years ago.
Our first delivery we received was from my favorite flower lady, Tracey. She sent us a nice arrangement with this one cool flower tho I can never remember what its called, pine cones, twigs, and small white flowers. It really made me feel happy, after the stress of the move and all.
Christmas was different but fun. We had Christmas Eve dinner with his parents, the kids, Aunt Linda, and his brother Tyler (who I've finally got to meet). After dinner, we unwrapped gifts. I got lots of bath stuff (yay!), fuzzy socks, plus a book about a woman who helped settle North Dakota. I'm really enjoying it so far!! From his brother, we got a couple of gift cards, which works cuz we enjoy eating out every once in a while! Christmas Day we hung out around the apartment til dinner time, then back over to his folks for dinner with Tyler, mom and dad, Ericka, Linda and her friend John. All in all, a very nice Christmas.
Next thing that happened is that I started working at David's Bridal. I'm sure most of you that know me are thinking, she's working in a dress shop?!?! And the answer is yes, and I am really enjoying it. Its nice coming home not covered in dirt and grease. Don't get me wrong, I loved my job, mostly because of the customers. Got my first pay check on Friday. Whoo-hoo! Income again!!!
New Year's was pretty quiet. Spent the night here in the apartment, after taking Austin, Sabrina, and a friend of theirs out to dinner to celebrate Austin getting a job. New Year's day we spent most of out at the farm with the dogs. Got some really fun pictures of the 4 of them playing in the snow! Bailey is really enjoying farm life. I miss having them around tho. This place is pretty quiet without canines around. But alas, not allowed to have them here. I'm making plans to go out and see them this week. Maybe tomorrow..
Monday, November 18, 2013
Futures now entwining
Hard to believe that in just over 8 months, Ryan and I will have been together for 2 years! Crazy huh? He is everything that I could ever need. He is my rock, my pillow, my ear, my shoulder to cry on, my best friend, And now he has a new title. Fiance. Yes, Fiance. He proposed to me the week before we left for my friend Dawn's wedding. It was simple, just us at home. We had talked about it since we were now living together. It was a Monday night. The ring is a square cut diamond with 2 smaller stones flanking the sides with a woven 2 strand band. In silver of course.
We have talked about an April wedding in 2015. Official date up in the air tho I think we will be going with the 11th. Nevada in the spring can be beautiful. Can be miserable too! hahahaha! So gotta plan for that case.
Plans are already in the works. Well at least with me. I have a dress picked out, tho not yet purchased. Minister is already agreed to do the ceremony, colors picked out, flowers already in discussion. Things not yet really worked out is guest list, locations, arrangements, photographer, and invites. You know, the little things. (laughs) So if anyone knows of a good, inexpensive photographer, let me know! Bahahaha!
It is short, but not much to discuss right now. Next post, I will post a photo of the beautiful shiny that I now sport daily!
[Spring is] when life's alive in everything.
Christina Rossetti (1830 - 1894)
In the spring time, the only pretty ring time, when birds do sing... sweet lovers love the spring.
William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616), As You Like It, Act V, sc. 3
To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.
David Viscott, How to Live with Another Person, 1974
A kiss is a lovely trick, designed by nature, to stop words when speech becomes unnecessary.
Ingrid Bergman (1915 - 1982)
We have talked about an April wedding in 2015. Official date up in the air tho I think we will be going with the 11th. Nevada in the spring can be beautiful. Can be miserable too! hahahaha! So gotta plan for that case.
Plans are already in the works. Well at least with me. I have a dress picked out, tho not yet purchased. Minister is already agreed to do the ceremony, colors picked out, flowers already in discussion. Things not yet really worked out is guest list, locations, arrangements, photographer, and invites. You know, the little things. (laughs) So if anyone knows of a good, inexpensive photographer, let me know! Bahahaha!
It is short, but not much to discuss right now. Next post, I will post a photo of the beautiful shiny that I now sport daily!
[Spring is] when life's alive in everything.
Christina Rossetti (1830 - 1894)
In the spring time, the only pretty ring time, when birds do sing... sweet lovers love the spring.
William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616), As You Like It, Act V, sc. 3
To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.
David Viscott, How to Live with Another Person, 1974
A kiss is a lovely trick, designed by nature, to stop words when speech becomes unnecessary.
Ingrid Bergman (1915 - 1982)
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
31. 41. Memorial Day. Vacation!
In just under 2 weeks I will be visiting far off places! Well, to me anyhow! I will be going with Ryan and Austin to North Dakota. I am so excited!! To see the place where Ryan grew up, see where some history took place, ah! Can't wait!
It has officially been 1 month since my 31st birthday and to date, it has by far been the best! I saw a wonderful couple say their I dos before their family and friends on that day. Ryan had bought me some very beautiful pink lilies and a very nice card to go with them. But that wasn't all, I had my other gift at his place. I didn't get to open that til day after. Turned out it was a sailor bear (Ryan is retired Navy), and he (the bear) sings Anchors Away. Very cute!! Domino wasn't quite sure what to do when I was playing with the bear, making it sing. He kept backing away. ahahaha!
And just 2 short weeks later was Ryan's 41st birthday, or as he's now calling it, the 1st anniversary of turning 40. He tells me that 40 was a pretty good year for him. He tells me that its because he met me, a true companion, his girlfriend. Makes me feel warm fuzzies when he tells me that. I too tell him that 30 was great cuz I met someone that makes me feel as good as he does. Anyhow, onto the real tale. We went to Berlin-Ichthyosaur National Park for his birthday. I couldn't really do what I wanted, which was to take him to lunch in Reno, broke you know... It turned out to be a really fun time! Erin, Ryan, and I toured some of the old building in the mining town of Berlin, then got a non-tour tour of the Ichthyosaur fossils. Our tour guide was a character. He told us how the fossils were found, how they believe that there is at least 4 animals there. Showed us different types of ichthyosaur, shared interesting facts, and even cracked some jokes. Great time. :) We got back to Fallon, had some pizza at Pizza Hut, then called it a day. Usually on Mondays, I try to come back to Yerington, after our long day, I decided I was too tired to drive home.
Memorial Day was fun this year too. It marked the 1 year anniversary of my friend Erin to her husband Jimmy. It was kinda funny that I was in Fallon, on that same day, exactly one year previous. Well, made me chuckle. Since mom was also in Fallon with me that day as she was a year ago. Anyhoo, Ryan and I held a BBQ for a few people. We had invited Erin, Jackie, mom, Ila, Garry, and Ed. Sadly Erin and Jackie couldn't make it. For good reasons. Jackie was trying to aquaint her new kitten to her older cat and it was Erin's anniversary. It was fun none the less. Ryan and I had provided drinks, burgers, and chips. Mom had brought a delicious fruit salad, Ila had brought potato salad and Garry (hahaha) and Ed had brought deviled eggs. Good times, good conversation, and good friends. That is what BBQs are about!!
Like I'd mentioned, I will be going on vacation in less that 2 weeks! I really can hardly wait! Can't wait to see his mom and dad again, meet his daughter, and visit the farm that Ryan keeps telling me he won't get me off of!
Have a great night folks! Will write again soon!!
It has officially been 1 month since my 31st birthday and to date, it has by far been the best! I saw a wonderful couple say their I dos before their family and friends on that day. Ryan had bought me some very beautiful pink lilies and a very nice card to go with them. But that wasn't all, I had my other gift at his place. I didn't get to open that til day after. Turned out it was a sailor bear (Ryan is retired Navy), and he (the bear) sings Anchors Away. Very cute!! Domino wasn't quite sure what to do when I was playing with the bear, making it sing. He kept backing away. ahahaha!
And just 2 short weeks later was Ryan's 41st birthday, or as he's now calling it, the 1st anniversary of turning 40. He tells me that 40 was a pretty good year for him. He tells me that its because he met me, a true companion, his girlfriend. Makes me feel warm fuzzies when he tells me that. I too tell him that 30 was great cuz I met someone that makes me feel as good as he does. Anyhow, onto the real tale. We went to Berlin-Ichthyosaur National Park for his birthday. I couldn't really do what I wanted, which was to take him to lunch in Reno, broke you know... It turned out to be a really fun time! Erin, Ryan, and I toured some of the old building in the mining town of Berlin, then got a non-tour tour of the Ichthyosaur fossils. Our tour guide was a character. He told us how the fossils were found, how they believe that there is at least 4 animals there. Showed us different types of ichthyosaur, shared interesting facts, and even cracked some jokes. Great time. :) We got back to Fallon, had some pizza at Pizza Hut, then called it a day. Usually on Mondays, I try to come back to Yerington, after our long day, I decided I was too tired to drive home.
Memorial Day was fun this year too. It marked the 1 year anniversary of my friend Erin to her husband Jimmy. It was kinda funny that I was in Fallon, on that same day, exactly one year previous. Well, made me chuckle. Since mom was also in Fallon with me that day as she was a year ago. Anyhoo, Ryan and I held a BBQ for a few people. We had invited Erin, Jackie, mom, Ila, Garry, and Ed. Sadly Erin and Jackie couldn't make it. For good reasons. Jackie was trying to aquaint her new kitten to her older cat and it was Erin's anniversary. It was fun none the less. Ryan and I had provided drinks, burgers, and chips. Mom had brought a delicious fruit salad, Ila had brought potato salad and Garry (hahaha) and Ed had brought deviled eggs. Good times, good conversation, and good friends. That is what BBQs are about!!
Like I'd mentioned, I will be going on vacation in less that 2 weeks! I really can hardly wait! Can't wait to see his mom and dad again, meet his daughter, and visit the farm that Ryan keeps telling me he won't get me off of!
Monday, April 15, 2013
Lost life...
Yesterday, a young man was laid to rest. His life ended much, much too early. Went to his service yesterday. It was a wonderful way for him to be honored. Listening to the stories people, his friends and his family, shared. Their souls bared for the world to see. I didn't realize how much I had hurt till I saw his body, still fresh with youth, lying there in that casket. My heart broke. He was a loving, caring soul. Truly a man of God, as people would say. Gabe lost his life in a car accident. He wasn't wearing a seat belt from what I am told. Other person in the car is alive but in ICU. He was just 29...just in his prime.
His father told a story about when Gabe was just 5 months old and the family was going to Tonopah. There was an accident. His dad had happen to been drinking..Gabe, unhurt, was found in a nearby bush. His father cried and from what I gathered, had quit drinking..such a poignant moment for me. I had been in a similar situation. I was seven when it had happen to me.
My heart goes out to the family, blood and by choice, for their loss. I knew him back in high school a bit, but I wish I had gotten to know the wonderful man he had become.
I would add more, but I'm feeling rather emotional so I will post again about it later...
His father told a story about when Gabe was just 5 months old and the family was going to Tonopah. There was an accident. His dad had happen to been drinking..Gabe, unhurt, was found in a nearby bush. His father cried and from what I gathered, had quit drinking..such a poignant moment for me. I had been in a similar situation. I was seven when it had happen to me.
My heart goes out to the family, blood and by choice, for their loss. I knew him back in high school a bit, but I wish I had gotten to know the wonderful man he had become.
I would add more, but I'm feeling rather emotional so I will post again about it later...
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Year 31
Soon I will be 31. This last year has been quite..not sure what the right word would be. Its had its ups and also its down. My faith has definitely been tested. And I wouldn't trade it for the world! Well maybe a couple things..I am human. I lost what I thought could be something, many friends loves nose dived, a friend left for new adventures, an old one came back, dad had a heart attack, new baby niece, and my favorite: Ryan. He has made me happier than I have been in a long time. Makes me smile when he's not around, I feel special to him. Beautiful too.
Austin has become quite important to me also. He is one of a kind that kid. He's straight forward and sees things in fairly black and white. After dealing with adults that your not sure about their honesty, he's a breath of fresh air!
Dad's heart attack scared me beyond belief.. I don't know what I'd do if it weren't for my friends and loved ones. If I had lost him...that's an image I don't care to think about.
My newest niece was born in February, I can hardly wait to meet her!! My sister and her family are moving back. That alone is going to be an adventure for her and I working together.
Here's to number 31! May it bring many happy adventures and much love to me, Ryan, and all my beloveds!
Monday, February 4, 2013
Pre-Valentine's Day
As the holiday of flowers, candy, and cards approaches, I am thankful for many things. I know this is not that holiday, I still want to say thanks.
First off, I am thankful my father is still alive. He had a mild heart attack about 2 1/2 weeks ago. It could've been worse, luckily it wasn't. He had some medical training back when he was on the Fire Department, so he knew what was going on.
Secondly, thankful for my friends. Tho many of them are going thru rough patches in their own relationships, they are still my friends and I am glad that they can confide in me as I did in them when I went thru my own romantic non-bliss. May love shine upon them and may they find happiness.
And thirdly, I am thankful for the love of a good, kind, and wonderful man. Ryan is everything a girl could ever ask for. He came into my life and it hasn't been the same. He makes me laugh, lets me cry, he is my rock in rough seas, my breeze on the smooth seas. He has become my best friend. I love him like I have no other. And anymore, I cannot imagine my life without him now.
The basis of my blog, thank you
First off, I am thankful my father is still alive. He had a mild heart attack about 2 1/2 weeks ago. It could've been worse, luckily it wasn't. He had some medical training back when he was on the Fire Department, so he knew what was going on.
Secondly, thankful for my friends. Tho many of them are going thru rough patches in their own relationships, they are still my friends and I am glad that they can confide in me as I did in them when I went thru my own romantic non-bliss. May love shine upon them and may they find happiness.
And thirdly, I am thankful for the love of a good, kind, and wonderful man. Ryan is everything a girl could ever ask for. He came into my life and it hasn't been the same. He makes me laugh, lets me cry, he is my rock in rough seas, my breeze on the smooth seas. He has become my best friend. I love him like I have no other. And anymore, I cannot imagine my life without him now.
The basis of my blog, thank you
Thursday, April 5, 2012
wowee wow wow
Well much has happened in the last month, hence no recent blogs.
First off on a bit of a high note. Started hanging out with a new guy. Not sure what we are yet, but I do enjoy spending time with him, he makes me laugh. I really like him (yeah high school-clichey here but its how I feel..) and I get the impression he feels very similar. Just afraid to ask. Lately I haven't had a good track record with men.. (Justin comes to mind....loser.) I really enjoy spending time with him and just hanging out with him. I'd love to spend more time with him and him living here in my hometown makes it easy when we do. Who knows, just got to let God work in His mysterious ways and be patient (tho its never been an easy virtue for me to deal with, being rather impatient when its something I really, REALLY want).
Secondly, my father is currently still recovering from his bout with double pnuemonia. Yes, double. He'd fallen and while recovering at home, he'd slept, flat on his back, for 48 hours. Fluid built up, breathing became very shallow. Thankfully my wonderful aunt, she called and got him to the hospital in time. I will love her forever for this. He was very close to dying. I don't know what I'd do if he had...I really don't want to... On a good note tho is that my sister and neice are coming down to visit us! I can hardly wait to see them!! I wish she lived closer so I could spoil!!
Good note, my dear friend Jackie and I are going to town to go to the movies. We plan on seeing The Hunger Games. I've read all three books in the series before of the inkling of a movie. Now that that has happened, I'm excited to see how it compares since the author of the books actually co-wrote the screenplan and chose the actress that plays Katniss. Yay! So excited for Monday!!!
First off on a bit of a high note. Started hanging out with a new guy. Not sure what we are yet, but I do enjoy spending time with him, he makes me laugh. I really like him (yeah high school-clichey here but its how I feel..) and I get the impression he feels very similar. Just afraid to ask. Lately I haven't had a good track record with men.. (Justin comes to mind....loser.) I really enjoy spending time with him and just hanging out with him. I'd love to spend more time with him and him living here in my hometown makes it easy when we do. Who knows, just got to let God work in His mysterious ways and be patient (tho its never been an easy virtue for me to deal with, being rather impatient when its something I really, REALLY want).
Secondly, my father is currently still recovering from his bout with double pnuemonia. Yes, double. He'd fallen and while recovering at home, he'd slept, flat on his back, for 48 hours. Fluid built up, breathing became very shallow. Thankfully my wonderful aunt, she called and got him to the hospital in time. I will love her forever for this. He was very close to dying. I don't know what I'd do if he had...I really don't want to... On a good note tho is that my sister and neice are coming down to visit us! I can hardly wait to see them!! I wish she lived closer so I could spoil!!
Good note, my dear friend Jackie and I are going to town to go to the movies. We plan on seeing The Hunger Games. I've read all three books in the series before of the inkling of a movie. Now that that has happened, I'm excited to see how it compares since the author of the books actually co-wrote the screenplan and chose the actress that plays Katniss. Yay! So excited for Monday!!!
Monday, February 13, 2012
here we go again...
Uncle Kracker Livin' the Dream
Once again I am single. In this case, its not so bad. No broken heart, no hopes and dreams dashed, nada. As sweet a person as Justin was, we just viewed what was important differently. I figured hanging out, spending time together was important. Him, sex. Sure I enjoy it, but really? Thats all that seemed to be on his mind. I know I know, cliche right? But I want more out of a relationship than just physicality. I want that warm fuzzy feeling, that feeling that you know its just right. Truthfully, I never had that with him. He was a stepping stone back out into the dating pool. He showed me that I am not fully ready for a serious relationship right now. My wounds were still healing. And to some extent, they still are. I will treasure the fun I had with him. I also know more about myself. Like, tho I enjoy sex, I am not addicted to it. When the feelings are right, I will know. I have also come to know that I need a bit more God in my life. I know this now. Yes I have my family and my friends but they can't always be there for me when I need them. With God, He is always there. So I've started reading my Bible more. Whether it be my actual book or my kindle version. I know I need to find someone who understands my wants, needs. Who understands that I choose to be here in this little town I grew up in, be around people that I know and love, and I will leave when I am fully ready, not before.
Anyhow, this is the lastest with me. Not much else. Just work. I have good faith that when I am truely ready,the right man will come along and out of the blue and it will be just what was meant for me. :)
Once again I am single. In this case, its not so bad. No broken heart, no hopes and dreams dashed, nada. As sweet a person as Justin was, we just viewed what was important differently. I figured hanging out, spending time together was important. Him, sex. Sure I enjoy it, but really? Thats all that seemed to be on his mind. I know I know, cliche right? But I want more out of a relationship than just physicality. I want that warm fuzzy feeling, that feeling that you know its just right. Truthfully, I never had that with him. He was a stepping stone back out into the dating pool. He showed me that I am not fully ready for a serious relationship right now. My wounds were still healing. And to some extent, they still are. I will treasure the fun I had with him. I also know more about myself. Like, tho I enjoy sex, I am not addicted to it. When the feelings are right, I will know. I have also come to know that I need a bit more God in my life. I know this now. Yes I have my family and my friends but they can't always be there for me when I need them. With God, He is always there. So I've started reading my Bible more. Whether it be my actual book or my kindle version. I know I need to find someone who understands my wants, needs. Who understands that I choose to be here in this little town I grew up in, be around people that I know and love, and I will leave when I am fully ready, not before.
Anyhow, this is the lastest with me. Not much else. Just work. I have good faith that when I am truely ready,the right man will come along and out of the blue and it will be just what was meant for me. :)
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Reading material
So lately I've been on quite of a bit of a reading kick. I've started reading about 5 or 7 books, not sure cuz some are on my kindle. Finished about 2 of them and started reading another. Oh and I also picked up a new book at the grocery store. What? It was only 7 dollars...
One of the ones I've started reading is one I've read before. Its Chicken Soup for the Father and Daughter's Soul. Yeah I'm one of them. I've read quite a few of them. They're great and they're easy reads. I highly recommend them. Anyhow back on topic. This book, if you couldn't tell Chicken Soup for the Father and Daughter Soul is about the relationship and love of a father and daughter. I reminisce about my own memories about my dad.
Now if you know him, he appears gruff, grouchy, and just plain ornery. But that's just the surface. He is really the best man any girl could ask for in a dad. He is loving, kind, funny, and loyal. I wouldn't trade him for all the money, all the jewels in the world. He is priceless. No matter what his daughters get themselves into, he will always try to help the out. He doesn't want to see us fail. One of the nicest things I heard from my dad was said not too many years ago. I had heard that he had said that I have gained and become quite knowledgeable about the store. Well, it was something along those lines...the original comment made me choke up and cry. Was a wonderful thing. For a man like him to say that, a man that doesn't share feelings overly well till recently, spoke volumes.
Another memory is on a little further back...and more a multitude of memorable moments. I love traveling with my dad. He's really laid back. Plus when its just me and him, I feel more comfortable talking to him. There are still some things I don't share with him, in the last 6 or so years, I do share more than what we had when I was a kid and teen.
Dad connected with a couple cousins that he didn't know existed. One, she lived in Florida. Debby and dad really clicked. He went down to visit her back in October 2010. They talked constantly, emailed. Then one day, dad didn't hear from her. I really bothered him. Understandably so. We only found out recently what happened...she died...less that 60, I think she was barely even in her 50s... I don't remember her brother's name, so I'll call him cousin, but dad reconnected with him. Christmas Day he called cousin. He and dad shared an emotionally charged conversation. He was really hurtin' (cousin) that this was his first holiday without his sister. The two men have made plans to get together and meet. Was a wonderful Christmas on that respect. *smile*
I love my dad. I truly, truly dread the day that he is no longer here.. He is a one of a kind man, with a truly kind and generous soul. Doing thing because the NEED to be done, not because they want the attention for doing so. Grandpa raised him well. The world will be a darker place when he is not down the street, not cracking it up at Ace..
One of the ones I've started reading is one I've read before. Its Chicken Soup for the Father and Daughter's Soul. Yeah I'm one of them. I've read quite a few of them. They're great and they're easy reads. I highly recommend them. Anyhow back on topic. This book, if you couldn't tell Chicken Soup for the Father and Daughter Soul is about the relationship and love of a father and daughter. I reminisce about my own memories about my dad.
Now if you know him, he appears gruff, grouchy, and just plain ornery. But that's just the surface. He is really the best man any girl could ask for in a dad. He is loving, kind, funny, and loyal. I wouldn't trade him for all the money, all the jewels in the world. He is priceless. No matter what his daughters get themselves into, he will always try to help the out. He doesn't want to see us fail. One of the nicest things I heard from my dad was said not too many years ago. I had heard that he had said that I have gained and become quite knowledgeable about the store. Well, it was something along those lines...the original comment made me choke up and cry. Was a wonderful thing. For a man like him to say that, a man that doesn't share feelings overly well till recently, spoke volumes.
Another memory is on a little further back...and more a multitude of memorable moments. I love traveling with my dad. He's really laid back. Plus when its just me and him, I feel more comfortable talking to him. There are still some things I don't share with him, in the last 6 or so years, I do share more than what we had when I was a kid and teen.
Dad connected with a couple cousins that he didn't know existed. One, she lived in Florida. Debby and dad really clicked. He went down to visit her back in October 2010. They talked constantly, emailed. Then one day, dad didn't hear from her. I really bothered him. Understandably so. We only found out recently what happened...she died...less that 60, I think she was barely even in her 50s... I don't remember her brother's name, so I'll call him cousin, but dad reconnected with him. Christmas Day he called cousin. He and dad shared an emotionally charged conversation. He was really hurtin' (cousin) that this was his first holiday without his sister. The two men have made plans to get together and meet. Was a wonderful Christmas on that respect. *smile*
I love my dad. I truly, truly dread the day that he is no longer here.. He is a one of a kind man, with a truly kind and generous soul. Doing thing because the NEED to be done, not because they want the attention for doing so. Grandpa raised him well. The world will be a darker place when he is not down the street, not cracking it up at Ace..
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Holiday Season...
As I read my sister's blog, I am saddened with the uncertainty of her working future. She is one of the strongest women I know. She's a hero to me, the type of person I wouldn't mind being like. I wish that there was something I could do to help her out but her being in Portland and myself being here, well, makes that rather difficult...and my finances are a little strapped currently. My heart and prayers go out to her and her little family that she receives a holiday miracle. Love you sis..
She shared some memories of our childhood, fond memories that I had completely forgotten about. The winter nights we spent up at Topaz with our grandparents. I loved those times. I learned so much from the years we spent there growing up. One being the importance of sunscreen..I received the worst sunburn of my life there. Also the major importance of wearing helmets. Cheryl and I were cruising around the countryside, and we ended up on a rode a little too narrow for our Yamaha Moto4, and down this hill we went. As usual I end up with just scrapes and Cher is the one bleeding. How I managed with no bleeding wounds is still beyond me. Well we manage to walk back to the house and get grandpa and grandma and we get the 4 wheeler back to the property, no worse for wear. I think it fared better than we did. Remember sis?
There was the one Christmas that was the last time my Gramma Jeanne came down. It was wonderful to have her visit. At 7, she was the coolest gramma in the world. Learning more about her over the years as I became an adult myself, she still is an amazing woman. But that's another blog. I want to tell this story but as per usual, I'm not sure how to start it. So I'll just start with that day. It was December 26th. Mom, Cheryl, and I were taking my grandma to the airport so she could fly back to Seattle. Unfortunately the 3 of us didn't make it. (Gramma did, my uncle and aunt got her to the airport.) Right outside of town on McLeod Hill, mom rolled the van we were in. Mom was reaching for something on the dash (yes, she was driving) and drifted onto to shoulder, she over corrected, once, twice hitting that soft gravel yet again but this time it sent the van rolling. We landed tire-side down. It was a miracle that the swerving didn't happen seconds later, because coming up the other side was a hay truck. We would've been mere memories in the lives of the people who knew and loved us. And I was really lucky to walk away with nothing more than seat belt burns. If the rolling had taken place any sooner, I wouldn't be who I am, because I had just sat back down literally seconds before the van ended up upside down. That was almost 22 years ago now.
Good memories of the holidays always included being around family, my grampa in particular, just because I loved (and still do) him so. The first Christmas without him was tough on all of us. He was such a integral part of the festivities, that we were almost lost with out him. He had passed the carving of the ham or turkey on to dad long before but it was his job, as patriarch of the family, to slice the holiday pies. I still think it should be his job, but he is no longer here so that had to be passed to someone. We all take turns.
It brings to mind the Christmas Cheryl fed our old lab Sparkie pecan pie off our dad's china and our grandmother's silver. I did get a picture, tho when I took it I was afraid that it wasn't going to come out since I was laughing so hard. Man, gramma and mom were very very angry! The rest of our family laughed with us, but not those two! Mom laughs about it now, for it is a fond Christmas memory since the dog is no longer with us either..
This holiday is the start of something new too. Since the breakup, I have found someone new. Justin. He's absolutely amazing. Not that Tim wasn't, he was just different. He treats me like I'm something utterly special. I know, I know, cheesy to say, and I am special. Its just nice to be shown so, you know? I know a person can't complete me but I feel great when we are together. He makes me smile just thinking about him.. Like now. (:
If I don't write before the 25th, Merry Christmas to you all. I treasure you in ways that I cannot explain. Thank you for being my friends, my family, my life!
She shared some memories of our childhood, fond memories that I had completely forgotten about. The winter nights we spent up at Topaz with our grandparents. I loved those times. I learned so much from the years we spent there growing up. One being the importance of sunscreen..I received the worst sunburn of my life there. Also the major importance of wearing helmets. Cheryl and I were cruising around the countryside, and we ended up on a rode a little too narrow for our Yamaha Moto4, and down this hill we went. As usual I end up with just scrapes and Cher is the one bleeding. How I managed with no bleeding wounds is still beyond me. Well we manage to walk back to the house and get grandpa and grandma and we get the 4 wheeler back to the property, no worse for wear. I think it fared better than we did. Remember sis?
There was the one Christmas that was the last time my Gramma Jeanne came down. It was wonderful to have her visit. At 7, she was the coolest gramma in the world. Learning more about her over the years as I became an adult myself, she still is an amazing woman. But that's another blog. I want to tell this story but as per usual, I'm not sure how to start it. So I'll just start with that day. It was December 26th. Mom, Cheryl, and I were taking my grandma to the airport so she could fly back to Seattle. Unfortunately the 3 of us didn't make it. (Gramma did, my uncle and aunt got her to the airport.) Right outside of town on McLeod Hill, mom rolled the van we were in. Mom was reaching for something on the dash (yes, she was driving) and drifted onto to shoulder, she over corrected, once, twice hitting that soft gravel yet again but this time it sent the van rolling. We landed tire-side down. It was a miracle that the swerving didn't happen seconds later, because coming up the other side was a hay truck. We would've been mere memories in the lives of the people who knew and loved us. And I was really lucky to walk away with nothing more than seat belt burns. If the rolling had taken place any sooner, I wouldn't be who I am, because I had just sat back down literally seconds before the van ended up upside down. That was almost 22 years ago now.
Good memories of the holidays always included being around family, my grampa in particular, just because I loved (and still do) him so. The first Christmas without him was tough on all of us. He was such a integral part of the festivities, that we were almost lost with out him. He had passed the carving of the ham or turkey on to dad long before but it was his job, as patriarch of the family, to slice the holiday pies. I still think it should be his job, but he is no longer here so that had to be passed to someone. We all take turns.
It brings to mind the Christmas Cheryl fed our old lab Sparkie pecan pie off our dad's china and our grandmother's silver. I did get a picture, tho when I took it I was afraid that it wasn't going to come out since I was laughing so hard. Man, gramma and mom were very very angry! The rest of our family laughed with us, but not those two! Mom laughs about it now, for it is a fond Christmas memory since the dog is no longer with us either..
This holiday is the start of something new too. Since the breakup, I have found someone new. Justin. He's absolutely amazing. Not that Tim wasn't, he was just different. He treats me like I'm something utterly special. I know, I know, cheesy to say, and I am special. Its just nice to be shown so, you know? I know a person can't complete me but I feel great when we are together. He makes me smile just thinking about him.. Like now. (:
If I don't write before the 25th, Merry Christmas to you all. I treasure you in ways that I cannot explain. Thank you for being my friends, my family, my life!
Friday, June 17, 2011
ugh!
As I sit here on my couch on this 17th of June, listening to Sara Evan's newest album Stronger, I think about what has been going on in my mind and in my life. I really feel this album really speaks to my frame of mind and what I'm feeling right now. Such talented people involved in this album. I highly recommend it.
The last few days I have been feeling like crap. Wednesday I ended up with a sore throat and a stuffy nose. The throat was bothering more than the nose. I can deal with a stuffy nose, sore throat is a little tougher to deal with. Today, after going to bed last night at around 8, I feel much much better! Just a slight tickle in the throat and an extremely runny nose. (and no, I am not chasing after it. It can come home when she's ready.)
Emotionally I'm not sure where I'm at. I have been feeling rather lonely, since I have seen Tim only once in the last month. Phone calls yes but not the same. If we lived in different places its more understandable, but we both live here! I miss when we'd hang out on weekends, either just him and I, or him, Megan (his daughter) and I. We haven't done that in a long time either...I've been feeling rather left out of his life. I love him but I don't think that even that is enough to keep me hanging around. I'm going to try and talk to him about it when he gets home from his dad's. That's been bugging me too. His dad has just given up. His health has had good days and bad days. The bad days seem to be outnumbering the good. So his sister and he are going to (hopefully) talk some sense into him. Maybe them being there and it being father's day this Sunday will knock some sense into the old man. I love him, he is such a funny, dear man. I'd hate to see the world without him in it. It would be like losing my own grampa.
Speaking of grandfathers, today is the 11th anniversary of my grandpa's death. Its been a tough day over all, considering everything else going on in my life. Even tho its been over a decade since my family lost him, the pain still feels pretty fresh. You see, he got me in a way that it seemed that no one else did. As a child, I was pretty shy. I think partly because I was the youngest in a fairly well-known family. I was always "somebody's something". Examples, I was "Cheryl's little sister (by teachers and students), Joe and Debby's daughter. So I didn't have much of an identity till I went away to college. Grampa got me. He and I could sit together and not talk but still enjoy each other's company. I loved him more than just about anyone. Even to this day I feel that way. On my seventh birthday, my grandparents got me a Barbie and a stuffed animal. The doll has long since found a new home, but the stuffed animal I still have and cherish. That animal? A little stuffed skunk. At first I wasn't too sure about it but I grew to love it, partly because my grampa gave it to me. Well, every time they would go somewhere, the would try and find me a skunk. My sister's senior trip, she even brought me home a Pepe Le Pew. Still have him too. In 2000, they made another trek to Arizona and yes, they brought me back a little beanie skunk. Unfortunately it was the last one I would receive from my beloved grampa... We lost him June 17th, 2000. One week after my high school graduation that he missed because he was in Washoe. The 22nd, we held services for him. Jim Sanford, former editor of the Mason Valley News delivered a beautiful eulogy. Uncle Johnny gave a nice speech. But the parts that make the biggest impression on me were the people that were there and the way that we ended the church portion on the service. The people, wow, there were a lot. The entire catholic church was filled and there were even people braving the early summer heat by standing outside. And the ending? Take me out to the ball game. He was a huge San Fransisco Giants fan. That was part of the annual trips to Arizona. Giants training camp. As long as I can remember, they never missed a one. It was tough, to watch them put this larger than life man into the ground and forever gone from my sight. Just thinking about this is making me cry. I haven't really thought about the burial part of the funeral for quite a few years..
Yesterday I got to see my dear sisterfriend Jennifer! She and her hubby Aaron came in and got fishing licenses, some tackle and a cooler, in case they caught something. Unfortunately they didn't. But I was super glad to see her!! I miss seeing her..wish we lived closer, or at least had a bit more time to spend together...
My friend Jackie has been in town for a few months now and we have been hanging out together, watching movies, cooking dinners, and just sharing laughter. Telling stories about our past relationships or what man we'd like to with, family members (human and animal) dilemmas and the like. She is currently going back to school to get a degree in the study of the eye. Don't remember exactly what it was but it sounds pretty interesting.
So this is what has been going on with me the last while. Other than no time with Tim, I have been spending more time with dear friends, having fun with them since he doesn't seem to want with me. I love my friends for being there for me. Without them, I don't know where my mental state would be. So a thank you out to all of them!!! You are my rocks!!
This father's day, I am going to Topaz and spending the day with him and our dogs. This will be the first time Bailey has ever gone swimming in a lake. She's been river swimming but this will be interesting to see how she reacts to the lake! I know it will be a good day. Dad and I get along better when we aren't at work..
The last few days I have been feeling like crap. Wednesday I ended up with a sore throat and a stuffy nose. The throat was bothering more than the nose. I can deal with a stuffy nose, sore throat is a little tougher to deal with. Today, after going to bed last night at around 8, I feel much much better! Just a slight tickle in the throat and an extremely runny nose. (and no, I am not chasing after it. It can come home when she's ready.)
Emotionally I'm not sure where I'm at. I have been feeling rather lonely, since I have seen Tim only once in the last month. Phone calls yes but not the same. If we lived in different places its more understandable, but we both live here! I miss when we'd hang out on weekends, either just him and I, or him, Megan (his daughter) and I. We haven't done that in a long time either...I've been feeling rather left out of his life. I love him but I don't think that even that is enough to keep me hanging around. I'm going to try and talk to him about it when he gets home from his dad's. That's been bugging me too. His dad has just given up. His health has had good days and bad days. The bad days seem to be outnumbering the good. So his sister and he are going to (hopefully) talk some sense into him. Maybe them being there and it being father's day this Sunday will knock some sense into the old man. I love him, he is such a funny, dear man. I'd hate to see the world without him in it. It would be like losing my own grampa.
Speaking of grandfathers, today is the 11th anniversary of my grandpa's death. Its been a tough day over all, considering everything else going on in my life. Even tho its been over a decade since my family lost him, the pain still feels pretty fresh. You see, he got me in a way that it seemed that no one else did. As a child, I was pretty shy. I think partly because I was the youngest in a fairly well-known family. I was always "somebody's something". Examples, I was "Cheryl's little sister (by teachers and students), Joe and Debby's daughter. So I didn't have much of an identity till I went away to college. Grampa got me. He and I could sit together and not talk but still enjoy each other's company. I loved him more than just about anyone. Even to this day I feel that way. On my seventh birthday, my grandparents got me a Barbie and a stuffed animal. The doll has long since found a new home, but the stuffed animal I still have and cherish. That animal? A little stuffed skunk. At first I wasn't too sure about it but I grew to love it, partly because my grampa gave it to me. Well, every time they would go somewhere, the would try and find me a skunk. My sister's senior trip, she even brought me home a Pepe Le Pew. Still have him too. In 2000, they made another trek to Arizona and yes, they brought me back a little beanie skunk. Unfortunately it was the last one I would receive from my beloved grampa... We lost him June 17th, 2000. One week after my high school graduation that he missed because he was in Washoe. The 22nd, we held services for him. Jim Sanford, former editor of the Mason Valley News delivered a beautiful eulogy. Uncle Johnny gave a nice speech. But the parts that make the biggest impression on me were the people that were there and the way that we ended the church portion on the service. The people, wow, there were a lot. The entire catholic church was filled and there were even people braving the early summer heat by standing outside. And the ending? Take me out to the ball game. He was a huge San Fransisco Giants fan. That was part of the annual trips to Arizona. Giants training camp. As long as I can remember, they never missed a one. It was tough, to watch them put this larger than life man into the ground and forever gone from my sight. Just thinking about this is making me cry. I haven't really thought about the burial part of the funeral for quite a few years..
Yesterday I got to see my dear sisterfriend Jennifer! She and her hubby Aaron came in and got fishing licenses, some tackle and a cooler, in case they caught something. Unfortunately they didn't. But I was super glad to see her!! I miss seeing her..wish we lived closer, or at least had a bit more time to spend together...
My friend Jackie has been in town for a few months now and we have been hanging out together, watching movies, cooking dinners, and just sharing laughter. Telling stories about our past relationships or what man we'd like to with, family members (human and animal) dilemmas and the like. She is currently going back to school to get a degree in the study of the eye. Don't remember exactly what it was but it sounds pretty interesting.
So this is what has been going on with me the last while. Other than no time with Tim, I have been spending more time with dear friends, having fun with them since he doesn't seem to want with me. I love my friends for being there for me. Without them, I don't know where my mental state would be. So a thank you out to all of them!!! You are my rocks!!
This father's day, I am going to Topaz and spending the day with him and our dogs. This will be the first time Bailey has ever gone swimming in a lake. She's been river swimming but this will be interesting to see how she reacts to the lake! I know it will be a good day. Dad and I get along better when we aren't at work..
Monday, June 6, 2011
memories...
As graduation looms upon us, I think about my own 11 years ago.
My last week is a bit of a blur. Finals taking up most of my week, Friday was the day that me and my friends all looked forward to, for we would be outta there come Saturday. I, like most of my classmates, were ready to get out and move on with our lives. Some starting full time jobs, many off to college. It was a sad event as well as a happy time, for my grandpa was in Washoe Med going on something like day 10. He had broken his neck climbing through the beloved lake house's kitchen window, slipping on the sink. I wonder what might've been had I been there, had he not climbed through the window. Would my life be different? Would I have come back to my home town? What would I be doing instead of this? Would he still be here? These questions have run thru my head possibly millions of times over the last decade, but the answer is always the same...I don't know. God only does, only does He know where my path will lead me.
My plans after high school were to go to college, get my teaching degree so I could teach 2nd grade (because I love kids), meanwhile falling in love with my college sweetheart, after we both graduate, get married, and then start a family a little ways down the road. But those plans changed. I told my dad I would move home after graduation and help him out with my gramma. She was still taking it hard 3 years after Grampa's death. So there went my plans. Also didn't help I was rather annoyed that I had to take advance maths and English to teach elementary school kids. I know, the degree is technically a K-12 degree but still, they should break it down to elementary and middle/high school degrees. But that's another topic all together. So home I came. Renewed some old acquaintances, made some new ones, fell in love.. Many years have gone by. I've lost many loved ones. My Grampa's brother and sister-in-law Uncle Joe and Aunt Annabelle, my gramma, my gramma's brother Uncle Dorman, and my beloved nun aunties, Carolyn and Fidelis. And thats just to name a few. Happiness happed too. I had met my boyfriend Tim, my sister got married to my wonderful brother Jay and they had my beautiful neice Brynn. Now I look forward to the day that I get to have my own kids, whenever that might happen. I hope its sooner rather than later though, I'd really like to be able to chase after them and not be tired when I catch them! hahahahaha
My last week is a bit of a blur. Finals taking up most of my week, Friday was the day that me and my friends all looked forward to, for we would be outta there come Saturday. I, like most of my classmates, were ready to get out and move on with our lives. Some starting full time jobs, many off to college. It was a sad event as well as a happy time, for my grandpa was in Washoe Med going on something like day 10. He had broken his neck climbing through the beloved lake house's kitchen window, slipping on the sink. I wonder what might've been had I been there, had he not climbed through the window. Would my life be different? Would I have come back to my home town? What would I be doing instead of this? Would he still be here? These questions have run thru my head possibly millions of times over the last decade, but the answer is always the same...I don't know. God only does, only does He know where my path will lead me.
My plans after high school were to go to college, get my teaching degree so I could teach 2nd grade (because I love kids), meanwhile falling in love with my college sweetheart, after we both graduate, get married, and then start a family a little ways down the road. But those plans changed. I told my dad I would move home after graduation and help him out with my gramma. She was still taking it hard 3 years after Grampa's death. So there went my plans. Also didn't help I was rather annoyed that I had to take advance maths and English to teach elementary school kids. I know, the degree is technically a K-12 degree but still, they should break it down to elementary and middle/high school degrees. But that's another topic all together. So home I came. Renewed some old acquaintances, made some new ones, fell in love.. Many years have gone by. I've lost many loved ones. My Grampa's brother and sister-in-law Uncle Joe and Aunt Annabelle, my gramma, my gramma's brother Uncle Dorman, and my beloved nun aunties, Carolyn and Fidelis. And thats just to name a few. Happiness happed too. I had met my boyfriend Tim, my sister got married to my wonderful brother Jay and they had my beautiful neice Brynn. Now I look forward to the day that I get to have my own kids, whenever that might happen. I hope its sooner rather than later though, I'd really like to be able to chase after them and not be tired when I catch them! hahahahaha
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Sunday Sunday pt 2
Had a wonderful time at Topaz today. Got a wonderfully pleasant surprise, in the form of my cousins Charlcie, Josh, and newest little cousin Eric, Charlcie's son. Was great because I haven't seen either of them in ages!! Josh especially. Also met his fiance Courtney, who is a kick!
There were lots of people there. I think about 40 or so. A lot of people I didn't know, but I chatted with just about everyone who showed up. So many people, so many relationships with Johnny. Friends, family, and neighbors.
I think my favorite part of the day was meeting Eric, sweetest little baby! He spent most of the day sleeping but I did get to meet him while he was awake. There was another little girl there, Isabella. She was a pretty, chubby little baby. So sweet in herself tho I didn't have much interaction with her.
It was really funny day too. Just about every time I took a picture of Charlcie, she would look in my direction and smile. Almost perfect timing!! Love that girl. Tho jealous of her too. She's got a wonderful man and a wonderful baby boy in her life! *sigh* I can hardly wait for the day that I get to have that wonderful baby in my life!! Tho I was very content to enjoy having one, even if only on loan!! hahaha!
Ok, memory time..and its a short one for not much to tell about it.
One summer, my dad almost lost the Jeep truck in the lake...twice. The e-brake never really worked properly on it for years, course it was like 30+ years old at the time and spent a good portion of its life in the hills hauling back firewood for the house at the lake. One of those times, it almost ran over Charlcie. Almost, she got snatched outta harms way.
I miss those childhood summers with cousins and other various family members to enjoy those lazy summer Sundays...
There were lots of people there. I think about 40 or so. A lot of people I didn't know, but I chatted with just about everyone who showed up. So many people, so many relationships with Johnny. Friends, family, and neighbors.
I think my favorite part of the day was meeting Eric, sweetest little baby! He spent most of the day sleeping but I did get to meet him while he was awake. There was another little girl there, Isabella. She was a pretty, chubby little baby. So sweet in herself tho I didn't have much interaction with her.
It was really funny day too. Just about every time I took a picture of Charlcie, she would look in my direction and smile. Almost perfect timing!! Love that girl. Tho jealous of her too. She's got a wonderful man and a wonderful baby boy in her life! *sigh* I can hardly wait for the day that I get to have that wonderful baby in my life!! Tho I was very content to enjoy having one, even if only on loan!! hahaha!
Ok, memory time..and its a short one for not much to tell about it.
One summer, my dad almost lost the Jeep truck in the lake...twice. The e-brake never really worked properly on it for years, course it was like 30+ years old at the time and spent a good portion of its life in the hills hauling back firewood for the house at the lake. One of those times, it almost ran over Charlcie. Almost, she got snatched outta harms way.
I miss those childhood summers with cousins and other various family members to enjoy those lazy summer Sundays...
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