Sad Days...

Almost two weeks ago my dad passed away..  it was a quick trip home.

I thought it was just going home, check up on him, spend a little time with him, and fly back home to Bismarck.  Sadly that was not the case.  We found out the Monday before I flew out that he had stage 4 cancer.  No one is sure where the cancer started but they did find a lump on his lung.  His original stay was due to the extreme pain he was in because of his hip.. 

Guess I'm still a little blown away by this all.  Its weird that he's gone, he was still fairly young... only 68 years old. 

I just read my sister's blog and now all I can do is cry.  Because I feel similarly to her.   Am I making him proud?  Does he know how much he's loved and missed?  She has it much harder than me, she's surrounded by everything that reminds her of him, everything that is him.  He and I were never very close, not like sis and him.  Our relationship was much different.  We did things, hung out occasionally, had dinner, played golf, we just did things.  I never really talked a whole lot with him.  It was just our relationship.  Its weird knowing I'm never going to get to have our stilted conversations, the "hi, how are you, how are things, how's the weather" conversations.  

I had a dream with him in it last night.  It was the kind where it was like real life and he and I were arguing because heaven forbid that he was wrong about anything.  Made me smile and sad at the same time, because I know I will never hear his voice again, except in my dreams, and even there, there is no guarantee that I will truly remember the timber...  tho we argued and disagreed (a lot), I will miss him, he is my dad, my first real hero..

New Beginnings

As a few of you may know, it has been almost a month since moving to North Dakota.  It has been a trip so far.   Knowing that my family is about 2000 miles away, and his is just right up the road.   For the first part of our relationship, my family had been there just about every step of the way.  Now, its his family's turn I guess you could say. 

The first Friday we were here, we met for dinner and drinks with family and a couple that his folks know.  I met and talked with his cousin Kim.  She's a neat lady and very into Relay for Life.  I can understand.  Both of her parents are gone, her mom passed from breast cancer a few years ago.

Our first delivery we received was from my favorite flower lady, Tracey.  She sent us a nice arrangement with this one cool flower tho I can never remember what its called, pine cones, twigs, and small white flowers.  It really made me feel happy, after the stress of the move and all.

Christmas was different but fun.  We had Christmas Eve dinner with his parents, the kids, Aunt Linda, and his brother Tyler (who I've finally got to meet).  After dinner, we unwrapped gifts.  I got lots of bath stuff (yay!), fuzzy socks, plus a book about a woman who helped settle North Dakota.  I'm really enjoying it so far!!  From his brother, we got a couple of gift cards, which works cuz we enjoy eating out every once in a while!  Christmas Day we hung out around the apartment til dinner time, then back over to his folks for dinner with Tyler, mom and dad, Ericka, Linda and her friend John.    All in all, a very nice Christmas.

Next thing that happened is that I started working at David's Bridal.  I'm sure most of you that know me are thinking, she's working in a dress shop?!?!  And the answer is yes, and I am really enjoying it.  Its nice coming home not covered in dirt and grease.  Don't get me wrong, I loved my job, mostly because of the customers.  Got my first pay check on Friday.  Whoo-hoo!  Income again!!!

New Year's was pretty quiet.  Spent the night here in the apartment, after taking Austin, Sabrina, and a friend of theirs out to dinner to celebrate Austin getting a job.   New Year's day we spent most of out at the farm with the dogs.  Got some really fun pictures of the 4 of them playing in the snow!  Bailey is really enjoying farm life.  I miss having them around tho.  This place is pretty quiet without canines around.  But alas, not allowed to have them here.  I'm making plans to go out and see them this week.  Maybe tomorrow..