Lost life...

Yesterday, a young man was laid to rest.  His life ended much, much too early.  Went to his service yesterday.  It was a wonderful way for him to be honored.  Listening to the stories people, his friends and his family, shared.  Their souls bared for the world to see.  I didn't realize how much I had hurt till I saw his body, still fresh with youth, lying there in that casket.  My heart broke.  He was a loving, caring soul.  Truly a man of God, as people would say.  Gabe lost his life in a car accident.  He wasn't wearing a seat belt from what I am told.  Other person in the car is alive but in ICU.  He was just 29...just in his prime.

His father told a story about when Gabe was just 5 months old and the family was going to Tonopah.  There was an accident. His dad had happen to been drinking..Gabe, unhurt, was found in a nearby bush.  His father cried and from what I gathered, had quit drinking..such a poignant moment for me.  I had been in a similar situation.  I was seven when it had happen to me.

My heart goes out to the family, blood and by choice, for their loss.  I knew him back in high school a bit, but I wish I had gotten to know the wonderful man he had become.

I would add more, but I'm feeling rather emotional so I will post again about it later...

Year 31

Soon I will be 31. This last year has been quite..not sure what the right word would be.  Its had its ups and also its down. My faith has definitely been tested.  And I wouldn't trade it for the world! Well maybe a couple things..I am human.  I lost what I thought could be something, many friends loves nose dived, a friend left for new adventures, an old one came back, dad had a heart attack, new baby niece, and my favorite: Ryan. He has made me happier than I have been in a long time.  Makes me smile when he's not around, I feel special to him. Beautiful too. 

Austin has become quite important to me also.  He is one of a kind that kid. He's straight forward and sees things in fairly black and white. After dealing with adults that your not sure about their honesty, he's a breath of fresh air!

Dad's heart attack scared me beyond belief.. I don't know what I'd do if it weren't for my friends and loved ones.  If I had lost him...that's an image I don't care to think about.

My newest niece was born in February, I can hardly wait to meet her!! My sister and her family are moving back. That alone is going to be an adventure for her and I working together.

Here's to number 31! May it bring many happy adventures and much love to me, Ryan, and all my beloveds!

Pre-Valentine's Day

As the holiday of flowers, candy, and cards approaches, I am thankful for many things. I know this is not that holiday, I still want to say thanks.

First off, I am thankful my father is still alive.  He had a mild heart attack about 2 1/2 weeks ago.  It could've been worse, luckily it wasn't.  He had some medical training back when he was on the Fire Department, so he knew what was going on.

Secondly, thankful for my friends.  Tho many of them are going thru rough patches in their own relationships, they are still my friends and I am glad that they can confide in me as I did in them when I went thru my own romantic non-bliss. May love shine upon them and may they find happiness.

And thirdly, I am thankful for the love of a good, kind, and wonderful man.  Ryan is everything a girl could ever ask for.  He came into my life and it hasn't been the same.  He makes me laugh, lets me cry, he is my rock in rough seas, my breeze on the smooth seas.  He has become my best friend.  I love him like I have no other.  And anymore, I cannot imagine my life without him now.

The basis of my blog, thank you

Vegas weekend

The first over night out of town trip with Ryan, success!  He and I had a ball while in Vegas.  He took me down the Fremont Street Experience.  Many shops and casinos and kiosks. Casinos obviously since it is Vegas!  Even zip-liners overhead.  Looked pretty cool.  Might have to try it next time we go. :)    Then we went back to the hotel and just hung out.  Very relaxing.

Monday morning we met up with my world traveler friend Amber.  Was great to see her again, she seems to be enjoying the area.  She gave us some coupons to some of the exhibits in the area.  The one I really wanted to see was the DaVinci exhibit.  Did a bit of searching online, found out it wasn't open til Tuesday.  Made me sad.  So instead we went to the Titanic exhibit at the Luxor Hotel.  That was quite the site.  The artifacts from such a sad piece of history.  Even a piece of her side was on display there.  It took two years to desalt the metal and keep it from rusting out.  The pieces that belonged to passengers, some survived, most not.  Chilling to see.

Also, before we even took our tour, we had our pictures taken.  The guy doing it really has the personality to do the job.  I am ordering a copy of one of our photos.  Gonna be an anniversary gift for Ryan.  In honor of this trip. *smile*

Fear and Faith

Never had I been so scared of my feelings as I had been the last 24 hours.  Last night I had gone with my boyfriend Ryan, his son Austin, his girlfriend Paige, and their friend Brendan to a Pop-Warner football game.    Well, we were all having a good time, third period comes along.  Austin goes down and isn't getting back up, can't breath.  Ambulance is called and Ryan (understandably) is scared.  Who wouldn't be?  Your kid can't breath and is in immense pain and there is nothing you can do.  Possible broken rib.  Come to find out the opposing team was singling him out.  How terrible that adults are doing that to kids.  First teaching them that winning is everything, then telling them to do that at all costs.  I still am upset at those coaches.  Anyhow, at the hospital come to find out that he fractured the tip of one of the ribs.  Coach tells us he's done for the season.  Talking to football moms that came to check on the 3 of the 4 kids that are at the hospital, she was telling us that she overheard the opposing team talking to their coach about their KEVLAR pads!!!! Really? Your 13-14 years old and playing with pro quality gear.  Our kids didn't stand a chance!  Grrr!  Again, back to our story.  This morning I was scared.  I mean I didn't know how to feel or react to anything that has just happened to me.  Yes, granted it isn't the first visit to the hospital I've made with a boyfriend and his child, but this felt different.  Still not really sure how.  Ryan and I talked for a while this morning about everything that happened 12 hours prior.   He was very understanding about how scared I was feeling.  Now I head off to work.  I talk to Josh about what happened with Austin.  He told me that he had experienced something similar while playing Pop-Warner himself.  Mentally this made me feel a bit better.  Then I received a text from Ryan that made me smile.  That clinched it.  I knew I was going to be ok.  My faith was stronger than my fear.  I came home at lunch and talked to him some more about events.  He told me something that made me very happy.  He told me that when he was on the field with Austin, the coaches, and medical staff, Ryan told me that while he was checking on Austin, he had also been looking around to see where I was at.  Me. Girlfriend of less than 3 months.  Honestly, like he told me, I didn't know I would fall so hard and so quick for him.  I am glad he and I are together.

Wonderful feelings abound

To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides

David Viscott, 1974

Since the last entry almost 3 months ago, I have met someone who I'm completely head over heels for.  He makes me feel completely wanted and happy.  His name is Ryan.  Retired Navy, he's been around the world and I love to hear him talk about it.  We've even talked of places that we'd like to visit together.  So much to tell but not sure where to even start!  He's a wonderful man.  Probably one of the most wonderful people I've met in a long time.  To begin with we have similar personalities.  Goofy, off the wall, twisted.  We enjoy being home-bodies, dancing, laughing, telling bad jokes, and sharing music.  We talk daily, sometimes for hours.  Send each other little messages through out the day.  Much wonderous feelings abound!!!   He treats me very well.  Cheers me up when feeling down, compliments me almost daily, makes me laugh constantly.  With him I feel very content.  We don't see each other as often as we like (he lives an hour away), we do make the best of our time together.  We talk, snuggle, watch tv, do all those couply things that couples do.  So nice.  I love being with him

Life

Here it is.  Another Monday.  I should be doing something.  Maybe I will later, but for now, I write.

Much has happened.  Nothing has happened.  I know, I'm being vague but that is just how I feel lately.  I feel very out of sorts.

Many people I know are pregnant, having babies, getting married, or just in a new relationship.  Its the feeling of being alone in a crowded room. I feel like I am failing at something...even though I am not.  Sure feels like it too.

Becoming a mom has been my life dream since I was six.  So being thirty and no closer to that than I was then. It depresses me.  *sigh*

On a upper note, Saturday night I spent a night out with my friend Nikki.  Unfortunately she had to leave early.  I stuck around for a couple more hours with my friend Sansa and her sister in law whose name I can't remember.  She was a very nice girl.  Had fun chatting with her.

Currently I am seeing no one.  Seems like the guys I have gone out with are just interested in one thing.  Yeah that's great and all but I am looking for a bit more than that.  A lot more than just that.  Just ready to give up on the dating scene and just be for a while.

No matter how lonely you get or how many birth announcements you receive, the trick is not to get frightened. There's nothing wrong with being alone.

Wendy Wasserstein (1950 - 2005), Isn't It Romantic, 1983

Let the day bring something good, certainly couldn't hurt right..